Alone vs. Lonely

I want to embrace this moment... For all its worth, this moment of painstaking, gut wrenching loneliness. Feeling lonely is an emotion I have never really felt before in my life. I have always been blessed with close friends that I have known for years. Ones that are always there to pick me up when I fall. Ones I fight with and love with, ones that I haven't spoken with in years and we can pick back up right where we left off. That is what reminds me that I am not alone. 

Being alone... And being lonely are two separates. Yes they can overlap. But I know I am not alone. 

Being lonely... However, is the gut wrenching feeling I am talking about. Maybe it's the move to Asheville. Not having those really close best friends in person at your house....making you forget about all your troubles. That is where the lonely comes in. 

Anyway, back to the moment I want to embrace. As I'm sitting here, in the silence, using my 45lb fur baby as a pillow. I started to listen to her heartbeat. It was calm and relaxing. It was refreshing to lay here and embrace the subtle beating of another heart. 

I started to remember what it was like to have a human to cuddle with... And that's when I started to feel lonely. Don't get me wrong... My dogs save my life everyday. I can't imagine what loneliness would feel like without them. It's already suffocating. 

Just to be in the presence of someone else. Watching tv. Cooking dinner together, Cuddling. Just being fucking simple. 

I can handle alone. And I am doing my best to learn how to embrace and cherish this time of loneliness. Every emotion you feel, good or bad, should be embraced. It's how you channel those emotions that shape who you are as a person. But believe me when I tell you, it's not easy to do at all. It's painful, its awful, and it's nauseating at times... But you have to remember that it is building character. It is building your strength and leading you to your next fate.